Harry Potter and the Search for Harvey Wallbanger
by Lipton Lee
Summary: Harry Potter's introduction to Muggle liquor... drunken antics abound


Disclaimer: Evelyn Black belongs to me. All others belong to JK Rowling. Genius that she is.  
Time: 7th year, Future in Hogwarts Year Five: This Wasn't In the Syllabus crossover. You'll still get this if you haven't read it. Evelyn is Sirius Black's daughter. She's dating Draco. That's basically the back-story you need.   
Rating: PG-13 to R for innuendo and drunkeness.   
Summary: Some of our favorite Hogwarts students have a bit too much to drink in Muggle London. Just a short piece of Drunkfic.   
  
Harry Potter and the Search for Harvey Wallbanger  
The five of them had been asked to join some of their teachers at the Ministry of Magic in London to discuss the ever-heightening war. After the meeting had ended, they'd been left up to their own devices. Suffice to say, that being let loose in Muggle London un-chaperoned with a fairly large sum of money, and building worries and tensions of war had not been the smartest idea on their teachers' parts.   
  
"I… Am never, ever… drinking Muggle liquor… ever again!!"   
  
Ronald Weasley had had too much to drink.  
  
Six shots of tequila, three shots of whiskey, four beers, and a margarita.  
  
He stumbled out of the London pub followed by his friends. Most of them were equally trashed. This included Harry James Potter. He stumbled out after his best friend, grinning like a fucking idiot.   
  
"I li' Harvey Wallhumpers… they taste good…"  
  
"Wallbanger, Harry," Evelyn Black slurred as she put an arm around her god-brother. "Harvey Wallbanger."  
  
"Who the fucking hell is Harvey Wallbanging? And why is banging walls?!" Draco Malfoy demanded. "I don't bloody understand it." He waved a bottle of beer around as he followed.   
  
"Because he bloody-well wants to…" Hermione Granger snapped. She was trying her best to follow her friends, but she felt very dizzy. "Why is the room spinning?"  
  
"We're not in a room," Ron replied. "And if we are, it's one helluva room, ain't it Harry?"  
  
"I got to meet this Harvey… bloody fucking genius he is."  
  
"Stop bloody cursing," Hermione slurred. "It's rude, dammit."   
  
"Mione… stop trying to act like you're not drunk," Evelyn ordered. "You are… just like the rest of us."  
  
"I'm not drunk!" Draco yelled. "I'm… drunk!"   
  
"Harry!" Ron called, as Harry split off from the group. "You're going the wrong waaay!"  
  
"I'm off to meet Harvey!" Harry called. "Wanna shake 'is hand, congratulate him on a job well-bloody-done! He bangs walls like no other."  
  
Evelyn steered him in the right direction, which almost knocked him over.  
  
"Oi! Ev'lyn?" Draco asked. "Is Muggle liquor supposed to make you want sex?"  
  
"I think so, Draco, why?"  
  
"Because I want sex!" Draco replied determinedly. "Will you sleep with me?"  
  
"Helllllno," Evelyn snapped. "You prolly bite when your drunk. I ain't hoppin into bed with you this liquored up…" she began to laugh. "That's funny. Liquored up!"   
  
"Y'know what we should do?" Harry cried loudly.  
  
"What?" Ron asked at the same volume.  
  
"We should go and kick Voldemort's poncy buggering arse!"   
  
They all voiced their agreements, and cheered as they stumbled through the dark London streets.   
  
"Now… where's Hew Nangleton?!" Harry cried.   
  
"Hew Nangleton?" Hermione asked. "Y'mean Tew Hanglenon?"  
  
"New Hangleton?" Ron asked.  
  
"That's right!" Harry cried. "And my stupid… buggering scar… says it's that way."  
  
"Harry, that's a car park!" Draco corrected. "New Hangleton… is… somewhere… but it's not in a car park!"  
  
"Maybe it's under a rock," Hermione suggested. "It could be hiding from us."  
  
"It's not under a rock!" Ron cried. "Thass stupid!"  
  
"Issat what you think of me, Ron Weasley?" Hermione said harshly. "Am I stupid to you?!"  
  
"They even fight when they're drunk," Harry marveled. "They're barking mad."  
  
"I din't say you were stupid!" Ron cried. "I said the idea of New Hangleton hiding under a rock is stupid, you stupid!"  
  
"You did it again, you great ruddy prat!"  
  
"I'm notta prat!" Ron yelled. "You're a prat!"  
  
"We're never gonna find Voldemort if you two keep tryina kill each other. Now, shutup!" Evelyn cried.  
  
Hermione was in the process of reaming Ron out in very slurred, misplaced words, when he grabbed her by the arms and pulled her into a very deep looking kiss.  
  
"Well…" Draco commented. "Now we know who's going to wind up sleeping together before the night is over."  
  
"Yes!" Hermione laughed. "Ron, let's have sex, right now!"  
  
"Really?!" Ron cried.  
  
"No," Hermione replied.  
  
"Stop doing that!" Ron yelled.   
  
"She's faked you out before?" Draco asked.  
  
"Once aweek, at least," Harry laughed. "He gets his hopes up every time."  
  
"Snot funny," Ron pouted. "Just cause Evelyn's putting out for Draco-"  
  
"I am not… much!"   
  
Draco grinned.  
  
"…And Harry's had the army of girls who have been willing to put out since fourth year…"  
  
Harry groaned. "All except your sister."  
  
Ron blinked. "If I weren't so drunk, I'd beat the hell out've you."  
  
"Wait… what were we talking about before this?" Hermione asked.   
  
"Voldemort," Evelyn reminded her. "We were going to find New Wangleton."  
  
"Hangleton," Ron corrected.   
  
"Right," Hermione said absently. "Hankieton."  
  
Ron snorted.   
  
"So… how're we gonna find Voldemort?" Evelyn asked.  
  
"No one is finding Voldemort," said a sharp, sober, annoyed voice.  
  
The group of inebriated teens turned to see their Potions master glaring harshly at them.  
  
"Professor Snape!" Harry cried.  
  
"Smashing to see you!" Ron cried. "Absolutely corking!"  
  
"Professor, Evelyn won't sleep with me," Draco complained. "Will you?"  
  
Snape blinked at the blond Slytherin. "Detentions for all… fifty points from Gryffindor… Thirty from Slytherin… we're going back to school."  
  
"Is there tequila there?" Hermione asked dazedly. "I li' tequila."  
  
Snape groaned. "Please, Merlin… just answer my one question. Why me?" 


End file.
